So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
