Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
