You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
