College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
