you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
