You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
