Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
