oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
