So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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