tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
