next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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