Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
