separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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