Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
