Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
