No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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