he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Success! We fucked roommates!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
