Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
