I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
