Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
