I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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