People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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