i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
