I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
