Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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