So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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