come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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