Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
