It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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