my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
