my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
