Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
