do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize