She went from zero to smokin in five shots
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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