do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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