I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
