he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
