If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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