I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
