This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
