I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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