please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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