Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
