Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
