shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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