if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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