maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
