I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
