this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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