so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
