it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
