the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
