Define "chronic" masturbator.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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