soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
