and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
