In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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