I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
