i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
