he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
