Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
