...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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