i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
