I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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