FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize