Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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