Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We have started to decorate penises.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
