So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
