How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize