I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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