Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
40s are totally the cure
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
