I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
