Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
