my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
