Rock
Scissors
Fuck
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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