sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
